


Imagining Things

by rosesandstuff



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a sad ending, Canon Universe, M/M, TW: Panic Attacks, tw: Crying, tw: Insecurity, tw: anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-17 23:52:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15472854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesandstuff/pseuds/rosesandstuff
Summary: Virgil is reminiscing on the past and his time as a Dark Side and Roman comforts him... not.





	Imagining Things

Virgil sank deeper into the mess of blankets tossed onto his bed, squashing his head uncomfortably between two pillows and resumed to sniffle, tears splashing down his face in thin, sticky streams. It was happening again, he felt it, as he rocked himself back and forth and he lay on his side. 

Absolute dread clung onto his stomach, making his heart pace around and freeze randomly inside of his chest. He closed his eyes, panting through clenched teeth as he tried to ignore the sore feeling in his limbs, the headache that was starting to grow, the anxiety ready to completely take over.

It was then Roman sprang up into his room, laughing giddily with a beaming smile plastered onto his face. Virgil’s breath hitched as he tried to process the blurry smudge in his vision that was his boyfriend.

“Virgil, my love! You’re never gonna believe this new idea I came up with!” Roman cried excitedly, snorting through his chuckles, but one look up at Virgil made his entire face change from joyous to concerned. “...Virgil? Are you okay?”

Virgil simply whimpered in response, then blew out of his stuffy nose into one of his thinner blankets. In no time at all Roman was by his side on the bed, sitting crossed-legged and rubbing at Virgil’s side from somewhere beneath the heaps of blankets, a look of empathy and sadness crossing over him. 

“Virgil, my dear... I- I want you to tell me what’s wrong, but if you don’t want to...” Roman’s voice trailed off, and he took his hand off of Virgil. He knew the other wasn’t too fond of physical comfort, but when he stopped, Virgil let out a long sigh. So Roman quickly continued soothing Virgil and rubbing his leg until the other side sat up slowly and heavily as if he was full of a thousand bricks. 

Virgil sobbed, and then after a moment of hesitation, made grabby arms towards Roman. Knowing what he meant, Roman let Virgil curl up into his arms and the two leaned against the headboard, Virgil climbing into his lover’s lap and crying there into his red sash as Roman hummed softly. After a while of this, Virgil finally opened up his mouth with a shaky breath, and Roman watched intently. 

“D-do you remember...” Virgil bit his lip, looking down at his hands and then back at Roman, who gave him an encouraging look that made his heart falter slightly. “Roman, do your remember the past sometimes? Like, before... yeah...”

Virgil seems out of breath already from talking, but Roman understood. It made a nauseating, terrible feeling well up inside him, but he understood. The past. A time before him and Virgil were in a relationship, before they were friends, before Roman would even let the other step in a five foot radius of him. 

“Virge, we don’t have to talk about this-“ Roman starts comfortingly.

“No,” Virgil interrupts. “We need to... that’s what I was thinking about. I hate- I hate acting like it never happened, Roman.” 

Roman nodded, snuggling deeper into Virgil so that his chin was tucked in his shoulder, and Virgil breathed in, deep and fulfilling.

“So... when we were kids,” Virgil began, “...do your remember that?” 

“Too well, yes, my love.”

“Things were weird back then for me,” Virgil sighed, and his voice began getting heavy as darker, deeper voices overlapping his own as he spoke. “I hadn’t been apart of Thomas’ life as much as you other guys were. Patton was always there, leading Thomas into new discoveries and finding love in everything he saw, Logan was constantly observing the world around him and picking up on common sense, and you... Roman, you were the one leading Thomas into playtime adventures with his stuffed animals and watching Disney movies and singing along to every word, or making the most imaginative pieces of art on regular drawing paper with his packs of twenty-four different color crayons... Anxiety just wasn’t that much of a big part of Thomas’ personality yet.”

Virgil began playing with the zipper of his hoodie glumly, and Roman put a gentle hand to his cheek. It was reassuring, and Virgil leaned into the other’s palm. 

“But, whenever I did start showing up, you guys made it your mission to keep me away as far as possible... from both you and Thomas. I really did start out making sure everything I did was to protect Thomas, but when it became clear no one wanted me around, I started accepting my fate as a ‘Dark Side.’” Virgil did air quotes around the last two words as Roman sunk a bit further into the bed in shame. 

“I-“

“Shh. I’m almost done, Ro,” Virgil grumbled. “...Anyways, life went on and eventually I began believing Deceit was my only friend. But my mind would always seem to skip past the fact that everything he said was lies. He told me he was the only one that could ever care about me, that the only way I could survive as apart of Thomas was to put up a villainous persona. It hurt, but I did everything he said; I caused Thomas pain while I tried to protect him, I acted like I didn’t care about being part of you guys’ family anymore, and I avoided the rest of you Sides at all costs... but you didn’t make it hard to since you were always pointing your sword at me whenever I came near any of the three of you.”

Roman let out a long breath. “I... yeah, I remember that.”

Virgil curled into his boyfriend, crying once more. “Roman... I’m sorry.” A cough, and then his voice was back to normal.

“You’re sorry? Virgil, my love, my everything, I’m the one who’s sorry,” Roman said, voice cracking slightly as Virgil fisted at his shirt, muffling his sobs. Roman brushed a hand into Virgil’s violet locks gingerly. 

“All those years I really thought you were the bad guy. I don’t think the others and I even knew about Deceit until he finally revealed himself when Thomas was like... ten, or something! But it was still stuck in my head, for some reason, that we were living in an actual fairytale and I was the heroic Prince saving all the village peasants from the cruelty of the evil demon... you. But now I realize you weren’t the antagonist at all, you were the love of my life.”

Virgil clutches onto Roman harder and lets out a light laugh. Then he winced. “Ro, it hurts.” 

“I know, baby, I know,” Roman huffed, and for the first time since he arrived in Virgil’s room he noticed his boyfriend was wearing his original black hoodie and shirt, covered in wet, salty stains around the sleeves. “Virgil- Anxiety, I love you. I love you more than you could ever know. Thomas was right, you know? I don’t think I could’ve come up with half of the worlds I have if you hadn’t been there to help me to, and you still are there supporting me!”

Roman pressed a kiss into Virgil’s hair. “I love you, Virgil,” he murmured softly, and the moment seemed so perfect for a second; Virgil cuddled into Roman’s lap, Roman stroking his hair and his back lovingly, the sound of dying-out sobs echoing through the air. 

Then Virgil’s eyes fluttered open, staring into Roman’s, who opened his mouth to say those comforting three words again, but Virgil put a finger to his lips. “-I wish,” Virgil whispered, and then he grabbed either side of Roman’s face and pulled him to a kiss.

It was wholesome, warm, and made Virgil actually feel loved for about half a second. Then Roman disappeared completely from his grip, vanishing into the air of Virgil’s bedroom as if he were never there at all. But Virgil didn’t act surprised, not in the slightest, instead caving deeper into the mound of blankets he made for himself on his bed, and mumbled, “Thanks for understanding.”

The comment was neither sorrowful or spiteful, more of a combination of the two that hung in the swelling air, and Virgil began to cry once more. He jammed the heels of his palms into his eyes, wiping away his running tears and makeup uselessly, pathetically squirming and wishing this would stop and Roman would just come back, come back, please, come back. 

And Virgil didn’t notice how the corners of his room began caving in on him, becoming even darker as the time passed and the air stiffened as if it were threatening to choke him. He was too busy sulking and grieving to care.

Because Roman was gone. But he never really was there; Virgil had simply imagined him coming to see him, as if he actually cared about him. Roman never truly loved Virgil. Roman never apologized to Virgil. It was all of his own imagination. 

Virgil was still alone.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, lovelies!
> 
> tumblr: @rosesandstuff


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